Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
