all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
