I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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