somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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