So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
