im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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