So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
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