Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
