Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
