There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
