I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
