my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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