If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
