his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
