so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
