If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
