Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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