I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
