I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
