i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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