So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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