i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize