I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
