He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
