He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I am available for nakedness
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
