never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize