TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
