I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
