Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
