omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
