I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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