Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
