do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
