I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
