i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
