Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She is in my trunk
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize