Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
