McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
