Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
