We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
and you fell through a lawn chair
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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