I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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