Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
