Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
