It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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