i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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