Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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