I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
