Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
