About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
