We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
two words...techno handjob
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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