Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
