just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
