well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize