I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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