because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Even my vagina gasped.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think my moral compass just broke
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
