Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
