giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
