Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
