This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The power of my boobs compel you
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
