the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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