I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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