Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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