Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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