the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
this will be a night to untag.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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