yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
