I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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