Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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