He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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