I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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