I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Randomize
