Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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