batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
