I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
